


Only fools fall for you

by NikiNixie



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, My First Fanfic, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parallel Universes, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-03-16 00:05:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13624320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NikiNixie/pseuds/NikiNixie
Summary: “I’m just tired of meeting you only in my dreams”The effect is instant. Even’s cheeks are turning bright red. And Isak can’t help but think that he’s still got some game going on. Fuck chill. This is the way to go.There are few moments of complete silence and then Even's face changes.“I’m not gay”Or the parallel universe where things are mostly turned around





	1. Blue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first fic in English so please be kind to me. Idk if someone will like my idea but I just wanted to try this. I'm nervous. If you like it, please, leave kudos or a comment so I'd know.  
> Also I'd love someone to beta my writing. Just leave me a comment if you'd like to do it and I will find you, haha.
> 
> The title is from Troye Sivan's FOOLS.  
> Also the chapter's names are his songs. What can, I say I love him.

It is the first day of school and Isak’s first day of his second year at Nissen. Everything is going so well, and he is feeling fully rested after an amazing summer with the boys, ready to ace his classes this year again. His surroundings are filled with sun and everything just feels right. And as he is thinking that, his eyes land on a boy sitting across the schoolyard, nervously looking around like he’s just terrified of everything happening around him. He seems so small despite his long and lanky body.

The longer Isak watches him the more mesmerized with the blond stranger and his ocean blue eyes he feels. Isak’s first thought about that boy is simply _he’s the most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen._ Something about him just screams to catch Isak’s attention and he can’t help but bluntly stare. And Isak is so bewitched with his beauty that he almost doesn’t notice Jonas waving his hand in front of his eyes.

“Are you dreaming about your prince charming or what?” Jonas interrupts him with his eyebrows high and a smirk painted on his face.  
“What?!” Isak yelps.

Did Jonas just see him staring at that stranger?  
He flicks his eyes between Jonas and the new kid and realizes that Jonas is just joking.

“Ehm, no. No, no. I was just… I was just distracted. A little bit”  
“Yeah, I see that. What’s going on with you, bro?” his best friend seems to not let go that easily.

Best friend. Best friend Isak broke up with just two months ago. On that day he thought he’d lose Jonas forever. How could the boy stay friends with him, if he breaks his heart? But it was the opposite. When he came to his boyfriend, shaking, mumbling out that he wants to be just friends, Jonas didn’t yell, didn’t cry, he didn’t even ask why. He just said he understands and that Isak is and always will be his best friend and nothing can change that.

And Isak loves Jonas. Even now, he knows that he loves him very much, certainly more than just his childhood friend. But after all the arguing, they were drifting apart and not just as a couple. But also, as friends. There were too many secrets and lies. After a while it became exhausting. Before they got together, Jonas was dragging him with him every single Friday night but that changed quickly. Jonas wanted to spend time at parties but without Isak. Something about not clinging to one another and about personal space. And Isak hated it. After thinking about it, he just couldn’t shake the feeling that they were better not kissing and not sleeping together.

So he was really happy when Jonas assured him that everything was fine. But it also felt like something was wrong. Did Jonas even love him that way? He did, otherwise he wouldn’t even agree to this whole dating thing. But why was he just fine after the break-up?

Now, it was two months later, and he was calling him bro. Isak cringed every time that word left Jonas’ mouth. It was not long ago that he was calling him love and baby and all those sappy nicknames. Not that Isak wanted to hear those words again but something about that new “bromance” was making him feel weird.

“Nothing. It just… It’s just I’ve got the therapy session today. You know how I get…” Isak murmurs playing with his hoodie and just bluntly lying.  
“Yeah, sorry. If you need to talk about it…” Jonas trails off with concern in his eyes.

Isak looks up at him and shakes his head, a little laugh escaping his mouth just as the bell starts to ring.

“Thanks. But I’m fine. _Bro_ ” he says, barely holding the sarcasm in.  
He pats Jonas on the back as he stands up and heads off to the school’s entrance.

***

During the lunch, Isak is unusually quiet and if the boys have noticed, they didn’t say anything. Isak is thinking about everything and nothing, but mostly about that beautiful boy from that morning. He’s playing with the food on his plate and pretends to eat while daydreaming. Laud laugh form Magnus wakes him up from his thoughts as he tries to listen to their conversation.

“Man, are you okay?” Mahdi turns to him. Why does everybody care so much?  
“Yeah, just thinking” he sighs and looks up, “Hey, did you see that new guy this morning?” he asks curiously but tries to not sound like he’s interested too much.

But his friends know him too well.  
“Oh, do you have a crush?” asks Magnus and his voice is dripping with excitement.  
Maybe too much considering people turning around to look at them. But Isak notices Jonas averting his eyes and staring a hole through his lunch.

“No. I was just curious. I haven’t seen him before. Who is he?” he lies but Jonas is looking at him again so there’s that.  
“I don’t know. I’ve heard he transferred from Bakka because of some kids bullying him. Heard it got pretty bad, like hospital bad” Mahdi shrugs his shoulders and continues eating his waffles.

The day goes on as always but Isak just feels on edge. He can’t stop thinking about that boy, imagining things he certainly shouldn’t imagine. But he can’t help himself. Something about this feels just… cosmic. And right. Like, soooo right. He knows he shouldn’t have these feelings just a few months after breaking up with his first love and probably also not after just staring at some random boy for a few minutes, but that doesn’t change a thing.

But what? Jonas can move on quickly and Isak can’t? People at movies can fall at first sight and he can’t? Fuck that. He is going to talk to that guy when he first gets the chance. It just felt like something he needs to do.

***

But he doesn’t get the chance. For whole three weeks, he can’t find that boy. Not that he was looking for him. He certainly wasn’t. (Ok. Maybe he was looking around in the cafeteria a little bit more. And maybe he came to school a little bit early a few times so he could sit in the schoolyard and watch people arrive. But that doesn’t mean he’s desperate. Right?) But his prince charming is nowhere to be seen. And honestly, Isak is growing a little bit annoyed with him. Did he disappeared from the surface of the world or what?

He even talks about the boy with his therapist, Jannike. Yes. He was contemplating that he was just a daydream. A fantasy. Not real. But Jann assured him that it didn’t sound like that. That Isak just needs to be patient. She also said that he was doing very well and this calmed his brain a little.

But he’s done with him. He can’t find him anywhere and that is clearly some sign from the universe that this is not meant to be. So he’s totally cool with it. And he’s not moping. Not at all.

***

Today, he was checking the cafeteria again. It was Friday. Twenty-four days without seeing him. No luck. He was so annoyed that he just took his stuff and left without even touching his food. He’s thinking about ditching school. Buying ice cream and watching cheesy movies. Like Pretty Woman. Where the main character gets to have her prince charming. Yes, that sounds like an afternoon well spent.

He strolls through the halls aimlessly, trailing his hand across the walls, lockers and even stopping for a while to bang his head on the door to the boys' toilets. He just feels like he’s going crazy and he hates when he feels like that. He hates not having control over his thoughts. Just as he’s about to lift his head the door opens and he falls a step forward almost into someone’s arms. Hot stranger’s arms.

“Oh, halla!” Isak lights up when he sees who is standing in front of him.

He seems confused and startled, looking like a deer in the headlights.  
But oh boy, is he perfect. Even thousand times more beautiful than Isak remembers.  
So after just a few short seconds of silence, Isak gets his act together, smirks a little bit and leans on the frame of the door “Finally, we meet”.  
“Uhm… sorry. Do I know you?” the stranger looks even more nervous, his blue eyes wide and kind of scared. And yet, he looks so cute.

Everything in Isak is screaming to take it slow, not startle him. But he lost his chill like three weeks ago.

“No. But I wanted to talk to you. I’m Isak” he says as he offers a hand to shake.  
“E- Even?”  
“Are you asking me that? Do you not know your own name?” Isak chuckles but it comes out a little bit too harsh.  
Almost immediately he sees his mistake when the boy’s face falls, so he has to say something to turn this situation around

“I was dying to meet you in person, Even”  
“What? Me? W-Why?” the boy, _EVEN_ , points his index finger at himself in disbelief.  
“I’m just tired of meeting you only in my dreams”

The effect is instant. Even’s cheeks are turning bright red.  
And Isak can’t help but think that he’s still got some game going on. Fuck chill. This is the way to go.  
There are few moments of complete silence and then the expression on Even face changes.

“I’m not gay”

And then Even is gone and Isak is just standing in the door to boys bathroom frozen.

That is, of course, a totally normal reaction.  
But those words felt like knives stabbing him in the chest.  
It felt so cold. It sounded so… Disgusted.

He couldn’t believe he fell for this guy.

He couldn’t believe he actually thought this was meant to be.

The universe can sometimes be a dick.


	2. Cool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I just flirted a little bit when I met him and he answered he wasn’t gay and practically ran away screaming. It was weird” he sighs and risks a quick glance at Even who is still looking their way. 
> 
> What is his problem?
> 
> “Well, he’s hot, though,” Magnus says in the end and they all laugh while Isak rolls his eyes. 
> 
> Of course, he’s hot. Isak has a type. 
> 
> Hot straight guys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! It took me a while but here's the next chapter. Sorry if someone's waiting for the update. i just have so many things on my mind. But I guess I just needed a little bit of inspiration. So I dived into a beautiful story yesterday and I felt like writing. So here we are.
> 
> Hope you like it.

That Friday afternoon, Isak stays in bed. To be honest, he stays there the whole weekend. His phone is constantly vibrating with messages from the boys, from his mom, his therapist but he doesn’t feel like picking up. He is just kind of angry with the universe. He hates that he let himself get so invested in that boy. (Even. What a stupid name.)

He knows he gets like that sometimes. Going after a boy, finding out he’s straight or that he has a boyfriend and so he just stays at home, torturing himself with what ifs and parallel universes where they are together forever. But that’s just what he needs to do to come back to life again. The next day he is usually flirting his way through the day.  
¨  
But this time it’s different. Something in him just let him have hope. So much hope. He just felt it in his bones.   
But it turns out that boy is an asshole. He should’ve expected it. Relationships aren’t his thing. It never works out. Not even Jonas.

So he just lays in bed until Sunday, playing video games and eating junk food and ice cream.

That is until he hears knock on his door and when he looks up, there is his mamma watching him with a soft look in her eyes and a small smile.

“Hey, baby boy, what are you doing here?” she asks and steps into the room to sit next to Isak on his bed.  
“Just relaxing. I guess” he sighs and rests his head on her inviting shoulder.

She starts to gently brush his hair and there is silence for a few moments.

  
“Sweetie, is something bothering you? You’re locked up here all weekend. You weren’t this sad even after...” she stops there in the middle of the sentence like if his name is triggering to him. It’s not. It’s his best friends name.

“Do you want to talk about it?” his mom just knew him too well.   
He couldn’t keep a thing from her. Not that he wanted. Sometimes he felt like she was actually his best friend.

“Nothing bad. Just this boy at school. I liked him a lot. And I just wanted to talk to him and he kind of just ran away ‘coz he’s straight as a ruler. It just kinda got me. Nothing to worry about, mamma” he closes his eyes and lets himself relax in his mother’s arms. It is just so soothing.

“If you say so, honey,” she said calmingly, and he heard a smile in her voice. “But remember. Everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about. Be kind. Always”  
“Yeah… He wasn’t” Isak scoffed a little. 

That guy was anything but nice. But if Isak thinks hard about it, something about that conversation did seem off. The way he reacted at first, blushing, being all flustered. In that moment Isak was so sure Even did like him back. And then something snapped in him, and he ran away.

“Okay, baby boy, I’m going to finish dinner now. It should be ready in a few minutes. Wash your hands” she squirms her eyes at him like she knows he wouldn’t do that if she didn’t tell him to.   
Isak rolls his eyes and grunts while she leaves his bed and the warm body beside him disappears.

When the door closes, he lies on his bed with his face buried in pillows. He’s just thinking too hard. What if Even was just scared? Was Isak too “straight-up”? Too overwhelming. He lets out an annoyed growl and decides to keep it chill. He shouldn’t hold grudges against a kid who did not actually hurt him that bad.

It was just a little crush that hasn’t even lasted that long. Right?

 

***

 

Nope. Nothing is right. He sees him the first thing in the morning on Monday and he feels furious. That kid has the nerves staring at him while Isak walks across the yard to meet his friends and his stare feels like it’s burning him.

He greets his friends and sits next to Mahdi trying to tune in to the conversation.  
“Hey man, where were you the whole weekend? I texted you. We wanted to hang out” Jonas doesn’t waste time dancing around things he wants to say and asks just straightforward. Maybe little too much because Isak is blushing now and averting his look from his friends. He rarely blushes these days.

“Well, I just didn’t feel like leaving the house. Nothing special” Isak shrugs his arms and doesn’t feel brave enough to look up and see if his friends believe him.   
There’re few seconds of just background noise of student arriving at school and chatting about their weekend and then he hears Magnus snort.

“Yeah, right, bro. Who is it this time? No, let me guess! Is it Chris? I saw the way you looked at him at that summer party! Am I right?” Magnus laughed and Isaks cheeks burned.  
They all knew about his stupid crushes and what he does. They all know his gaydar is kinda fucked up.

“So why aren’t you wrapped up in some others guy’s arms by now? Isn’t that the thing you do? Get yourself rid of the crush by hooking up?” it seems like Mahdi doesn’t let it go that easily and wants to hear some answers.

“Yeah, like that new kid. He’s staring at you since you showed up. I see some intense eye-fucking. He wants you naked like right now” Isaks head snaps around at Magnus’ words and it seems like he’s telling the truth.   
  
Even is looking at him. No. Checking him out.   
It feels so weird. And Isak feels fucking angry.   
Why is he doing it? Wasn’t it enough on Friday. What does he want from Isak?

So Isak just turns back to the boys and shakes his head. Then he decides to come clean.  
“That’s actually him. That boy. His name’s Even. He’s straight. And he wasn’t particularly nice about it” Isak says in the end and he knows the boys are now all watching Even. Jonas looks kind of angry.

“What? Is he homophobic? What did he do?” Jonas starts interrogating him but Isak just shakes his head again.  
“I just flirted a little bit when I met him and he answered he wasn’t gay and practically ran away screaming. It was weird” he sighs and risks a quick glance at Even who is still looking their way. What is his problem?

“Well, he’s hot, though,” Magnus says in the end and they all laugh while Isak rolls his eyes.   
  
Of course, he’s hot. Isak has his type.   
  
Hot straight guys.

 

***

 

Last few weeks, he couldn’t find Even anywhere when he was looking for him and now it seems like the universe turned around and Even was everywhere Isak went. Literally everywhere. The halls, cafeteria, bathrooms, even the tram he took to get home. Even was like a shadow following him around.

So when it’s Friday again and Isak finds himself at a party, the guests being mostly just his friends and few other people he knew from school, and he sees Even standing on the other side of the room, beer in his hand and his eyes roaming Isak, he feels furious. Like actually seeing fucking white with anger.

He doesn’t get it. Is Even just watching him so he can avoid Isak? Or is he waiting for Isak to do again?  
And when Jonas comes up to Isak handing him a beer and he notices where Isak is looking, he furrows his eyebrows a little bit.

“Why is he staring at you like he wants to eat you?”  
“I don’t know. I feel naked. He’s been doing this for the whole week. Just staring” Isak tells him and Jonas looks even more concerned.

After a while, Eva joins them. Isak loves Eva. He knows she and Jonas are fooling around right now and he is kind of happy for them. It’s weird to say, but he is. He enjoys their company for a while and decides to get another beer and maybe go outside for a little bit so he can clean his head.

He just didn’t expect to be this grown up about things. He didn’t expect to feel happy for Jonas hooking up with Eva. Yet, here he was. Wishing the best to his ex-boyfriends. He is kind of impressed with himself, to be honest.

And as he’s standing outside the house, looking up at the sky and counting the stars, he hears footsteps. He expects Jonas or maybe Eva or anyone else, actually. But when he turns around, there he is. Even.

And he’s still beautiful, Isak still wants to just bury his hands in his hair and kiss him senseless. So it actually takes him a while to realize he’s not supposed to like this guy anymore. Because this guy was an asshole to him. So he shoots him a cold look to stay away, but Even is still walking in his direction and he stops right in front of Isak.

“What do you want? Are you one of those jerks who like to beat up little faggots like me?” Isak scoffs but he’s genuinely a little bit scared.   
There’s no one else outside right now. And if Even wanted, he probably could beat the shit out of Isak.

“What? No!” there is a surprise in Even's voice like he can’t understand why Isak would think that. “I just wanted to apologize,” he says and averts his eyes to the ground  
“What?” Isak barks surprised even more now.

“So there is this asshole in third grade. In fact, he just transferred. And he just acted stupid and wanted to say sorry for last Friday.”

Isak is amazed how insecure Even looks right now and he just gapes at him. And when the words really get to him, he starts laughing. Even gives him a shy smile and seems relieved that this was Isak’s reaction.

“You can tell the asshole, that it’s okay. Nothing that I haven’t heard before” Isak smirks and he feels his heart squeeze a little bit when Even’s smile widens and his eyes crinkle up and it’s just the most adorable thing he’s ever seen.

Fuck. Is Isak still crushing at him? Really?

“Well, I was an asshole. I shouldn’t just lash at you. I just didn’t expect that at all. You hitting on me. But I’m sorry. It wasn’t nice to do that. At all.” Even says again and Isak just keeps smiling.

“It’s chill. No damage was done. Forget it” and Even just looks so happy after those words that all Isak wants to do is make Even smile for the rest of their lives.  
There’s a comfortable silence, just them smiling at each other as Isak remembers. He pulls out a joint from his pocket and looks at Even.

“Wanna join me?” he winks at Even and even in the dark, he sees that the boy’s cheeks are turning a little bit red.  
“Yeah” he breaths out and they both sit on the steps they are standing on. Isak lights up the joint and he passes it after he blows the smoke out in perfect little circles.

They are just sitting there, smoking and really just talking about stuff. The sky is dark and the stars are visible tonight. It’s a warm night, perfect for chilling outside. And they talk and talk.

About Even liking Nissen so far. About Isak being all nerdy, liking the stars and shit. About their similar taste in music. And Isak finds himself enjoying Even’s company a lot. Maybe little too much.

And he just needs to stop himself every time he feels like kissing the boy in front of him. And he needs to do it a lot. There’s a moment like he feels like he can’t hold back anymore and that’s the actual moment Jonas chooses to bang open the front door in search of Isak.

“There you are, babe. I was looking for you” Jonas almost shouts at the whole street and Isak is looking at him with wide eyes.

Babe? WHAT? And then he realizes Jonas isn’t completely sober. No, not sober at all. He’s shitfaced.

Isak looks at Even apologetically.   
“Sorry. Gotta drag this drunk ass home. Fuck. He’ll be snoring the whole night. He always does when he drinks. I hate it” Isak laughs and stands up to wrap his arm around Jonas’s waist to guide him down the stairs.

Even doesn’t say a word and he is just watching them stumble down, Isak holding drunk Jonas.   
As always. And Jonas is incredibly cuddly as usual.

“See ya at school, Even. It was nice talking to you, considering you’re the third year asshole” he smirks and winks and he turns around.  
He feels good. Even is great. Not an asshole at all. But still straight.

Isak is genuinely smiling the whole way home, Jonas half asleep on his side.   
As always, he can’t drag Jonas to his parents' house. They would flip out if they found out.   
So he takes him to his home. Mamma won’t mind.

He helps Jonas climb the stairs to his room and he seats him on the bed. He takes off his shoes, jacket, and jeans, covers him with a blanket and then he takes his other pillow to the couch. Jonas hates sleeping on the couch.

And Isak sleeps like a baby that night. With a glimpse of a smile on his lips.   
Because Even might be straight, but Isak just likes him. And he can be friends with him. He wants to.   
This can be good.   
Isak can be friends with him.   
  
(So what if he still dreams of kissing him that night. So what if he still feels like he’s the man of his dreams.)


	3. Talk Me Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it took so long if anyone's waiting for this. I just wasn't feeling inspired and thought about not continuing this.  
> But I lowkey love this universe of mine and want to share it with you.
> 
> Feedback is appreciated. Leave kudos and comments, please, I'd love to know what you think.

Isak wakes up the next day and even though he slept on the couch, it was the best night of sleep in several days. He turns around on the couch to face his bed where he finds Jonas, lying there spread out like a starfish, his hand and leg dangling of the edge of the bed and Isak just has to laugh. 

He remembers the time this sight would’ve stir all those butterflies in his stomach and his breath would catch in his throat and his heart would beat so fast. But he got over it. He knows now that what he felt for Jonas was more brotherly love and he was only curious about all those things they could do as a couple. He’s happy he got the chance to explore his sexuality with him. But Jonas was his best friend and he knew they weren’t destined to be together. He knows now.

Because all those butterflies come alive with just one thought of those pretty blue eyes he dreamed about last night. His hands start to sweat when he remembers those full pink lips and those defined cheekbones. Those defined shoulders and arms. Those miles long legs he wants to just-

He has to stop himself before he loses a sense of reality and the fact that Jonas is sleeping just a few steps from him. So he thinks about spiders and germs and stuff like that for a minute, he then springs up from the couch and heads downstairs. He knows his mom is already up because its just past 10 am and his mom is an early bird.

He steps into the kitchen and sees his mamma singing and dancing to the rhythm of some new pop song he doesn’t recognize. A smile spreads across his face and he just enjoys seeing his mom so happy. 

He knows she doesn’t have it easy. Paying bills, taking care of the house and raising a kid on her own. Especially a kid like him. But she never loses her optimism, not even when everything goes to shit. 

Not even when he told her he is gay. She has always believed in God but that hadn’t stop her form believing in her son. She is just perfect and Isak loves her.  
She then notices her son is standing at the door, turns to him with a loving smile and goes to hug him good morning. 

“Hello, honey. Did you sleep well? I noticed Jonas is here, right?” she sings, her good mood seeping through every word.   
“or did you bring some other company?” she wiggles her eyebrows and Isak has to laugh.

“No, mom. It’s just Jonas. He got drunk yesterday so I just brought him here” Isak shrugs and his mom just nods her head.  
“You know he’s always welcomed. And I am glad you keep an eye on him. He’s lucky he has a friend like you”

Isak blushes a little bit. His mom knows everything about his life. And he’s thankful he has this amazing relationship with her because he knows not everyone is this lucky.  
Isak pours himself a cup of coffee and Marianne puts down in front of him a plate with his favorite scrambled eggs with just a teaspoon of sour cream. Family recipe. Isak shares with his mom yesterday’s events including the party and including The Talk™ with Even. Marianne just smirks at that and Isak’s cheeks turn slightly redder but none of them says anything.

After a few minutes, Jonas appears in the kitchen, yawning and looking like a zombie. He looks so soft with his hair sticking out everywhere. Isak thinks he looks cute and for a second, he misses the time he got to see him like that almost every morning. That’s before he starts imagining what would Even look like and his face feels even hotter now.

“Good morning, lightweight. How’s your head?” Isak teases him and cannot notice his mom smirking.  
“Ughhh, fine, I guess. Been better. What happened yesterday?” Jonas grunts and runs his hand through his unruly hair.   
“Nothing. You just got drunk like always. And you got clingy. As always. I had to bring you here after you started to call me baby in front of everyone.” Isak laughs and watches as his friend cringes a little bit.

“Sorry, Isak”  
“No worries. Nothing happened. But Even looked a little startled at the affection” Isak laughs under his breath and Jonas shoots him a confused look.  
“What? Who?”  
“Even. You know, the guy who ran away when I hit on him that one day” Isak rolls his eyes that he has to repeat it.

“Did he wanted to hurt you? Was he an asshole again? Just say a word and we can beat him up!” Jonas tenses and starts getting defensive of Isak.  
Isak mom just coughs. Oh. Of course. No beating up. Jonas and Isak just give her innocent smiles and she disappears from the kitchen while shaking her head.

“No. He actually apologized. I think he is a great guy. We talked for a bit and we have a lot of in common.” Isak shrugs and feels Jonas’ inspecting look on him.  
“Oh no. You are still crushing, right? Fuuuuck, Isak. What is wrong with you? He was really mean to you!”   
“I know, but he explained himself and he is not that mean. You’ll see.”  
Jonas just squints his eyes at Isak and shakes his head. “You and your crushes. It’s gonna kill me one day, bro”

 

***

 

On Monday Isak is happy and he’s giddy and the boys are shooting him inspecting looks.   
Only Jonas seems to be annoyed with the good mood Isak is sporting.

“What happened? Did you hook up with someone at the party?” Magnus asks blankly. Isak just rolls his eyes.   
“No. He talked to Even. He’s back to being a puppy in love” Jonas grunts and the boys laugh while Isak jabs him in the ribs.  
“Not true! We’re just friends. I guess” Isak defends himself but feels himself blush.

“Well your friend doesn’t look like he wants to be your friend” Mahdi states and they all follow his gaze.   
Evan is walking through the schoolyard, hiding his face with one hand. Isak just stares at him confusedly and shrugs. 

“That doesn’t mean he’s avoiding ME. It could be anyone.” He reasons and the boys don’t add anything to that matter. 

There are so many people Evan could be hiding from.

 

***

 

Except, he’s in fact avoiding Isak.   
Whenever Isak sees him, his averting his eyes and running in the opposite direction. Isak is really angry now, being Friday and Even still acting like an ass.   
So he waits for him after class so he doesn’t even have a chance to hide.

When Even steps out of the class room, he spots Isak and his eyes widen.   
He looks like he’s contemplating going back inside and jumping out of the window.  
“Why are you doing this? What is your problem? One day you apologize for being an asshole but the next one, you’re acting like an even bigger dick. Stop this game and talk to me, you coward” Isak lashes out, angry, his hands forming tight fists. 

Even is staring a hole right through his shoe and refuses to look up.   
He doesn’t say anything for a moment but after a few seconds of silence, he exhales and searches for Isak’s eyes.  
“I don’t know. I thought that’s what you wanted. Not to talk to me. At least, that’s what your boyfriend said” he seems almost hurt when he spits up the words “boyfriend”.

Isak just stares at him, repeating that word in his head as it would make more sense after that.  
“My boyfriend? What? I don’t have a boyfriend!” Isak furrows his eyebrows, trying to understand what is happening.

“That guy with curly hair? The one you took to your bed last week?” Even just glares at him like he’s crazy for not remembering his own lover.  
“W… What? Jonas?” it’s almost like a little bulb lights up over his head   
“He’s my best friend. I took him home because his parents would kill him if he showed up shitfaced. I slept on the couch.” He explains but then the words come to him.

“Wait, Jonas said I don’t want to talk to you?” he asks in disbelieve.  
Even just nods and inspects Isak a little bit like he’s trying to figure out if he’s saying the truth.  
“Well, duh. He said you were just polite to me at the party and you really don’t want to be friends with a homophobe like me” Even says staring at his feet again.

“Nothing he said is true. Even, talking to you was great and I’d love to be your friend. I don’t know what Jonas is doing. Why is he doing it. But I promise you, I wasn’t just polite. I enjoyed our time together.” Isak sighs hoping at least he can clear the misunderstanding.  
Even seems like he doesn’t trust him completely but after a few beats, he smiles at Isak.   
His eyes squint and the brightest smile appears, his teeth full out.

“I enjoyed talking to you too” he admits. “My classes are over. You?”  
“Finished. Why?”  
“Would you like to hang out? I think I have a few beers in my fridge” he winks but it looks more like blinking. Isak still feels those butterflies come alive.  
“Sure” he smiles back.

Isak knows he shouldn’t be alone with that boy. ¨  
Those lips and hips and fluffy hair are just too much to handle.   
Just too many things he needs to ignore so he won’t fall even more in love.   
But there’s something in him just screaming for Even’s company. 

And he just can’t deny his basic needs, right?

 

***

 

Their walk to Even's home is full of laughter, they joke around and they talk about nothing and everything. Isak feels like he knows Even for years, not just a few weeks. They are like two pieces of a puzzle, completing one another. And it’s just so easy for Isak to be himself with Even. He even flirts a little, just to try it out and Even laughs and blushes. That is a good sign, right?

They stop in front of a high building and Even is pulling his keys out and opening the door for them. They walk up a few sets of stairs and they finally arrive at the door of Even’s flat. Even unlocks it and steps into the hallway. 

“Anybody home?” he asks into the silence and there’s no answer. “Sweet”

Isak notices the clothes on the hangers and the shoes and he is confused for a minute. “You don’t live with your parents?”   
“Uhm, no. They are not in my life anymore. I live with my friends, Eskild and Lynn. But they’re not here now. Let’s go to my room” he gestures to one of the closest doors and Isak just follows him in. 

It’s a messy room with posters and drawings over the walls. Even grabs some clothes from the floor and hides it in his closet.   
“Cool. Did you draw these?” Isak points to one of the drawings and Even just nods.   
“Yeah, I love drawing. It calms my mind”  
“Music does that for me too. Sometimes, my mind is so fucking messed up and all it takes to silence it is a good song.” Isak says, revealing kind of a personal detail about himself.

Even doesn’t know the bigger picture so it doesn’t sound that wrong. If he only knew.   
Even just nods because he understands him. At least he thinks so.

After that Even disappears for a minute and when he comes back he has two beers in his hand and a bag of chips. Perfect.  
So they open the beer, chew on the chips and talk about the universe. And any other parallel universe.

“So, you think there’s other Even and Isak in another universe, sitting there in my room with beers? Only my sheets are blue?” he laughs but Isak knows he isn’t laughing at his beliefs, he laughs because it’s great.  
“Yeah, probably. And maybe there is a universe where I’m not crazy” he mumbles and scoffs. 

Even is confused and he opens his mouth to say something when they hear keys in the lock and the doors are opening.

“Hello, baby giraffe, are you home?” someone calls and when Isak looks at Even’s face, he seems a little bit embarrassed at the nickname.   
Isak just raises one eyebrow and snorts.

“Yes, Eskild. And we have a visitor” Even yells to the hallway and in a few seconds, there is a head peaking at the door to Even’s room.  
“Oh, hello, gorgeous” Eskild says as he thoroughly studies Isak's face.  
“I’m Isak. Hi” he waves his hand and smiles at the other man. Eskild is obvious with his staring but Isak decides to ignore it.

“Isak? Wait. This is ISAK?” Eskild points at him with his eyes set on Even.  
“Yes. This is Isak. Now go away Eskild.” he says quickly “Please?”  
“Okay, I let you two do your thing. But remember, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. And I would do that in a heartbeat” he motions his head towards Isak but has to duck his whole body, because Even is throwing a pillow at him.

“Eskild!” Even groans desperately and Isak is sitting there just laughing his ass off.  
“Yeah, I’m leaving. No need to be violent” he holds his hands in surrender and backs off from the door with a wink directed at Isak.   
Even’s whole face is red and Isak is just laughing so hard he starts crying.

“Sorry. Well, that’s Eskild” he shrugs and runs his hand nervously through his hair.  
“Oh, I wish I’d be so blunt in flirting. This is some master skills. I need him to teach me” Isak is still cracking up but Even is now smiling too, the laugh is probably just too contagious.  
“Don’t put yourself down. I think you were this straightforward the day we met, huh?” he winks.  
“When I like what I see, I go for it” Isak shrugs and he likes the fact that they are comfortable talking about that incident. They are friends now, after all. 

There is a moment of silence, the two of them just looking into each other’s eyes and smiling.   
It’s such a comfortable feeling, sitting there and just existing next to each other, no need for a word.   
But they’re interrupted by a loud ringing sound. 

Even gets up to grab his phone and answers.  
“Hey, Sonja,” he says and turns away from Isak’s questioning eyes.  
“Yes, I’m home…. With a friend…. No, you don’t know him… No, it’s not Mikael, stop it… Yeah, you can come. We can watch a movie or something… okay, see you then. Bye…. Love you too” he ends the call, emotions all in the air. 

“Uhm, who’s Sonja? Sister?” Isak asks carefully.  
“Girlfriend” Even answers but avoids Isak’s eyes.   
There is another silence between them and it’s not the nice kind of silence they shared just minutes ago.   
Isak gulps his beer and puts the empty can on the table.

“It’s kind of late. My mom is waiting for me. I should go” he stands up and he doesn’t wait for the answer just heads to the hallway. Even follows him.

“It was nice hanging out with you, Isak.” The boy mumbles.  
“Yeah, we should do that some time again” Isak reacts indifferently. “See ya, Even”

Isak exits the door and the building, not turning back. He heads home, and he feels tears in this eyes starting to form. He doesn’t know why he’s crying. It’s not like Even didn’t state he was not gay in the first minute he met him.

So why is he feeling like he’s been stabbed in the back? Isak doesn’t understand anything. His feelings are all tangled up and all over the place.   
What was he thinking, hanging out with a straight boy he has a crush on?   
The hard fall into reality was inevitable.   
But it still hurt like hell.


	4. Bite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me so long to start writing. It's just too much right now. I'm writing my bachelor thesis and finals are here, I work a part-time job so I don't really have much time. And when I do, my mind is so confused that it is really hard writing something. But I'll try to write the next chapter a lot quicker, I promise.
> 
> If you enjoy it, please, leave comments and kudos. It makes my heart so happy.

When he gets home on Friday, he goes straight to his room, ignoring his mom’s words. He slams the door shut and locks it and throws himself on the bed. His eyes are still full of tears, just streaming down his face. He hates that he feels like that. That Even makes him feel like this. He feels stupid. He falls asleep in his clothes, without dinner and with dried tears on his cheeks. And in his sleep, he dreams about blue eyes focusing solely on him, no one else.

He wakes up when his phone starts blaring loudly, and he looks at the screen seeing Jonas’ name. He rolls his eyes. Isak doesn’t really feel like talking to anybody. But he knows he ghosted his friends last weekend, so he picks it up. “Yes, Jonas? What do you want?” he barks at his best friend.

“Whoa! I just wanted to see if you were up to a FIFA match after lunch. What’s up with you? Why so grumpy?” Isak can hear the curiosity in the boy’s voice and he suddenly remembers what Even told him yesterday.  
“I don’t know. Maybe I’m just not really happy when people pretend to date me and try to intimidate other people” he comments and there're few seconds of quiet on the other side.  
“He told you?” Jonas asks hesitantly.  
“Yes, Jonas, he told me. And I am fucking pissed. Why are you doing this? What did you think would happen, huh?” Isak springs up angrily on his bed and starts roaming around the bedroom.   
“I don’t know, really” the boy sighed “but listen, Isak, he’s no good. I don’t like him. You deserve better”   
“Better? Jonas, what are you talking about? Are you fucking jealous or what? You know what, never mind. You can rest now. Because I know I don’t have a chance. He has a girlfriend. So yeah, it’s time for me to move on” he gives up and sits back on his bed, playing with his blue sheets.  
“Oh, I’m sorry, man. Wanna talk about it?” he offers.  
“No. I want to be alone. I’ll think about the FIFA. Call you later. Bye” Isak doesn’t wait for the answer and ends the call. 

He spends few more minutes in his room just thinking about his stupid crush on a straight boy. He laughs at his pathetic life. Always crushing on straight boys. Even Jonas was straight then. But after that one incident when he wasn’t really himself and he kissed his best friend, it all changed. Jonas was there for him. Came every day even though Isak wasn’t acknowledging his presence. He was there, hugging him, holding him, calming him. Every fucking day for several weeks. And when Isak finally realized it was Jonas holding him, he confessed to his feelings. And Jonas told him how he was afraid and that all he wanted was for Isak to be okay again because he loved him too. What a plot twist. He really wasn’t expecting that. He wished for it, but he never thought it would become a reality. But it did. But it didn’t last that long.

He shakes those memories away and heads downstairs to see his mom. She is reading news on her laptop with a coffee in her hand and she looks up when there are sounds of creaking steps. She watches her son cautiously. There’s no point in interrogating him now, she knows that. She just grabs his hand and kisses his hair when he comes to her.  
“Good morning, sweetie. There are pancakes if you want and there’s fresh coffee, too” she smiles at him and he tries to do the same, but it comes off as weak. She doesn’t mention it. They sit for a while in silence, just the sound of Isak eating his breakfast and his mom sipping her black coffee. He finishes and cleans after himself and sits right back at the table. His mom is watching him again and he just rolls his eyes. He just knows he’d spill it out sooner or later, so why wait?

“Uhm. I hang out with Even yesterday” he starts, and Marianne smiles widely, her eyes twinkling with mischief “No, nothing like that. We went to his place. I met his roommate. It was fun.” He holds his cup with both hands and studies the black liquid swirling in it. He takes a breath and finishes the story.  
“His girlfriend called. And I bailed. And I cried myself to sleep.” He admits and dares to look up. His mom has a kind expression in her eyes and she takes his hand in hers.  
“Sorry baby. I know you liked him a lot” she says after that and rubs her thumb across his skin.

“Yeah. But I am mostly just tired. It seems like something is wrong with me. I always fall for the wrong guy.” He pouts a little, feeling the tears coming. Marianne stands up and takes her son into her arms and holds him tight while he lets the tears fall onto her shirt.  
“Oh, honey. Don’t think about it like that. That’s not true. You are going to find a really great man who will treat you right, who will love you more than anyone. I know it. You’re an amazing boy and you will be happy, trust me” she strokes his hair and swings with him like a little baby.  
“But mom. Who could ever love me when I’m broken like this. Who could love a nut case like me?” he sniffles and the hurt in his voice breaks his mom’s heart a little. He knows that. But he couldn’t stop himself from saying that. Not when this was everything he could think about at that moment. Marianne just holds him tighter and he cries harder.

 

***

 

When he steps into Jonas’ house he still feels vulnerable and sad, but he tries his best to hide it. The boys are already there, and they welcome him with warm smiles and hugs. Jonas probably told them about Even. At least he doesn’t have to talk about it anymore. He takes a seat on the floor, his back against the couch and he watches Magnus as he tries to win. Unsuccessfully. He laughs at him with Mahdi and Jonas and their friend angrily ends the game. Sore loser.

“So what have you been up to before I came?” Isak asks and steals a can of beer from Mahdi.  
“Hey! That’s mine!” he protests but too late. The beer is gone.  
“Just kicking Magnus’ ass in FIFA and other video games. You?” Jonas states and smirks at the pout Magnus is sporting.  
“Uhm. Nothing. Homework. You know” he lowers his eyes to his feet.  
No one says anything for a few seconds but they all know Isak isn’t telling the truth.

“Hey, bro!” Magnus yells suddenly “We should go to a bar. We should find you a handsome bear or something”  
“Bear? Magnus, stop googling gay lingo. It makes me feel weird” Isak shakes away the goosebumps and Magnus just shrugs his shoulders. Everyone is laughing at that point.  
“I want to be a good friend.”  
Isak flicks his eyes at him and softens a little. “I know, man. Thank you. But you don’t need to dive into the depths of gay slang to do that”  
“Still, I think Magnus is right. We should go out tonight” Mahdi says and Isak just gives up after that.  
“Okay. We can go. But no bears. You can’t call yourself my friend if you don’t know my type” he points at Magnus and winks. After that, they chat for a while and drink another can of beer. An hour later, they are standing in front of a bar. And it is a gay bar. He arches one eyebrow and looks at the guys. “You are really going in with me? To a gay bar? Aren’t you scared of your hetero egos?” he laughs a little.  
“No, man. I can’t wait for some cutie to buy me a drink” Mahdi winks at him and walks right to the door. Everyone follows him with smiles on their faces and Isak starts feeling a lot better. He’s with his friends, on a manhunt. What more can he ask for?

They go in, get beers and they check out the scene for a bit. There is a quite a lot of guys, mostly older than them, around their mid-twenties. But Isak can work with that. It’s not like he hadn’t been with an older guy. But when he studies the faces, none of them catch his attention. And after a few minutes, he notices, that he’s looking for a very specific type in his head. Tall, blond, scrawny and blue eyes. After that realization, he is a little bit mad at himself. He turns around, facing the bar and drinks, the guys are watching him curiously. 

“What’s wrong? Don’t say you don’t fancy any of them” Jonas asks and Isak just shrugs his shoulders.   
“I don’t know. I’m just not in the mood I guess” he mumbles and misses the look the squad exchanges. There is probably a silent conversation Isak is not a part of, because next, he just remembers Magnus putting down his empty glass of beer to the counter very loudly and excited yelling. “Let’s dance!” the boy exclaims and tugs Isak’s arm towards the dance floor. He is a little resistant at first, but then he lets Magnus’ good mood affect him and smiles as they both reach the sweaty crowd of dancing bodies. He sways with Mags, laughs a lot and Mahdi and Jonas join them immediately. Isak can’t believe this is his life right now. He’s in a gay club with his best friends, enjoying himself, having fun like there’s no tomorrow and he can’t feel any happier at that moment. He can’t imagine what would have happened if he never came out to Jonas. His life would be probably very different and very very sad. But it’s not. 

They stay there for a few songs, jumping and dancing and doing other ridiculous stuff, but they are all tired after a while, so they head for the bar again.   
“Bro, I saw that Italian guy checking you out. He’s hot. You should go for it!” Jonas nudges him with his elbow and Isak tries to search for that guy in the crowd. And there he is, standing aside from the crowd, holding a beer and watching Isak intensely with that hot brown eyes. And surprisingly, he finds that boy really cute. He’s young, not as young as Isak, but young. He has dark curly hair, sharp jawline and the cutest lips he’s ever seen. He’s kind of tall, probably the same height as Isak, and he can see those defined muscles on his arms and can imagine those on his stomach. 

“Woooow, I’m not into guys, but that one is hot. You should bang him” Magnus shouts and Isak quickly shuts his mouth with his hand.  
“Shhhhh, not so loud. He probably heard you!”  
“So what?” Mahdi laughs and Isak has to admit he’s kind of right. He risks a quick look towards the Italian boy and he sees him approaching. They guys fall quiet and with a few mumbled words they all head for the dance floor, leaving Isak at the bar alone.

“Halla. My name’s Edoardo. Can I buy you a drink?” he chimes in and Isak smiles at him wieldy. He’s even hotter up close. Isak smirks to himself and decides to just let go.  
“Hey. Isak. Sure you can” he winks and smiles brightly at the stranger, now known as Eduardo. 

 

***

 

He stumbles towards the door and they hit it with a lot of force. There are arms all over his body, lips crushing his and moans escaping both of their mouths. He feels strong hands grabbing at his hips, fingers firmly pressing there. He lowers his mouth to Isak’s throat, leaving wet hot kisses all over it, sucking harshly at the skin, no doubt forming a dark bruise. Isak feels strained in his pants and by the hardness pressing into his thigh, he’s not the only one.   
Suddenly, he’s being pushed towards the bed and he falls and bounces a little bit on it, little laugh being punched from his throat. He looks up at him and smiles, grabs his neck and tugs him down to his lips again. The boy tugs on the t-shirt Isak is wearing and it’s gone in a blink of an eye. Isak’s head falls on the pillow when he feels those plump lips on his chest, around his nipple and heading down. He hasn’t had sex in a long time and now he remembers how he misses it. It feels heavenly and he closes his eyes, enjoying the sensations running through his body.  
“Fuck” Isak sighs as the boy licks at his stomach, fingers hooking into the waistband of his boxers. Isak runs his hand through the boy’s soft hair and tugs a little. “Fuck. Even, yes.”

As soon as it catches up with his mind, his eyes open and he looks at the guy hovering above his crotch. He doesn’t look happy. Edoardo sits back on his legs, runs his hand through the curls and breaths out, nervously watching Isak.   
“Soooo,” he drags out, Isak lying there turning red from embarrassment “That’s your boyfriend or…”  
“No! No, no, no. Not a boyfriend” Isak assures him quickly but the mood is ruined, that’s for sure.  
They just look at each other for a few seconds. Isak then sighs and sits up, searching for his shirt.  
“I should go. Sorry, I didn’t mean to do this” he mumbles and throws the t-shirt on. He looks at Edo sadly and curses himself in his head. He has this beautiful boy worshipping him and he ruins it.

He heads for the door and Edoardo turns around.   
“Just so you know, you should probably talk to this Even. It seems like he’s on your mind a lot. And you should tell him. Because he probably wants you just as bad, I can’t imagine anyone not wanting you. Ever.” He states, looking Isak right in the eyes. Isak cringes a little at that, seeing as his hookup is giving him advice on relationships.  
“Yeah. Thanks. And sorry again.” He rushes out and leaves the apartment in a hurry. 

That was awkward.

 

*** 

 

“You did what?!” Jonas shouts and Isak shushes him, looking around himself. He doesn’t need anybody hearing of this.   
“Yeah, I know. I fuck it up. So bad” he groans and runs his hand across his face. “It was so embarrassing. Poor guy! He had his head practically on my dick and I sad HIS name. I wanted to get swollen by the ground”  
“Dude, I know it was awkward as hell, but it’s also hilarious as fuck” Jonas is now laughing at his face and Isak just groans once again. And the universe is laughing at him too, because when he lifts his head, there he is. Heading towards Isak, those long legs carrying him like an angel.   
“I’m out. Bye” Jonas declares and runs off into the classroom.

“Hey. What’s up?” he asks and Isak wants to swoon at that deep sweet voice.   
“Hi. Not much” he averts his eyes and starts to battle with his locker.  
“Do you wanna maybe… hang out? Later? After school?” Even murmured watching his feet. It was adorable.  
“Uhm. I don’t know. I’ve got a lot of homework” Isak lied still fumbling with his locker.  
“I want to talk to you about something. And I need to get this out of my chest. I’d be really happy if you could meet me for a few minutes” Even admitted and Isak looked at him sadly. He should probably talk to Even. Tell him the truth.   
“Okay. Yeah. Why not. We can go for kebabs?” he offers and Even lights up at the suggestion.  
“Yes! Great, I’ll meet you there at three. Bye, Isak” he smiles and wanders off. Isak’s eyes linger on him as he walks along the hallway and he sighs. 

He’s fucked.


	5. Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak knows he should start talking but he doesn’t feel brave enough. Like he needs some kind of a sign to finally admit his feelings to Even. Suddenly, his thoughts are interrupted by a cough. 
> 
> Even finished eating and he’s now fidgeting with the paper wrapping, watching his hands and not looking up to meet Isak’s eyes. “Uhm, Isak?” he starts with a shaky voice that makes Isak swallow last bits of kebab and waits for him to continue, give him space.
> 
> “So you probably noticed that, uhm, that I… That I was kind of a jerk to you. You know, me and Sonja,“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! So I actually never planned on continuing this story, bc i just don't believe anyone is enjoying it? But I got a little comment a while ago about how they're waiting for an update and it made me so happy and made me feel so nice. So thank you, Kickiargren!
> 
> This is just a little chapter, seems like a happy end but we're far from it!   
> So yeah, leave kudos and comments if you like it and i you want an update sooner than after 6 months, lol.  
> Enjoy!

Isak spends all his classes thinking about what he wants to say to Even. What does one even say in these situations? Hey, I know you don’t like dick, but I do and I like yours? He groans loudly at how stupid he sounds right now but he’s running out of ideas and it’s his last class before he’s supposed to meet Even. He rests his forehead on the cold surface of his desk and he can see in his parallel vision Sana sitting next to him.

“What’s up, Isabelle?” she jabs her finger to his shoulder and he responds with an annoyed grunt.  
“So you don’t feel like talking today, I see?” she just shakes her head and starts to pull out textbook and notebooks for biology.   
She waits patiently until Isak turns his head and faces her.

“I have a crush on a straight boy” he whispers in defeat and Sana just raises an eyebrow at him.  
“And you’re sure he’s straight?” she starts with the logical question because that’s just her. Everything can be solved like an equation – with logic.   
“Yes, Sana. I’m not stupid. He has a girlfriend” he rolls his eyes to show her she’s being the stupid one here.

“Isak” she turns her whole body towards him and he lifts his head in surprise. “The fact that he has a girlfriend doesn’t mean he’s straight. You, of all other people, should know that best. You’re the expert in the LGBT community, not me.” She scolds him, and he has to think about it for a second.  
“Ja, ok, maybe he’s bi or whatever but that doesn’t change anything about him being in a relationship.” He says in the end just as their teacher is entering the classroom.  
Sana turns away from him to face the teacher, but she looks at him with a smirk.

“Well, some relationships last longer than others” and Isak opens his mouth and stares at her in disbelief.  
“Who are you and what did you do to my innocent friend?” he whispers.   
Sana shrugs her shoulders and starts paying attention to today’s lesson.

***  
Isak tries to learn something because biology is his favorite subject and he wants to get a six. But he’s still distracted by the thoughts of meeting Even.   
By the end of the class, he’s decided that he wants to tell him the truth. Because he doesn’t want to torture himself by being friends with him if he’s still pining for him without a chance to actually be with him. 

He fights with his locker and checks the time. He has about twenty minutes before meeting Even and the kebab place is just outside the school. So he decides to head there early and sit on the bench to prepare his speech. 

But as he arrives he sees Even already sitting there, looking all nervous and fidgety.   
It seems like Even is running his hands through his hair a lot today because it looks so soft and Isak has to fight the urge to feel how soft it really is.   
He walks up to him, deciding to be the confident self he’s always looked like to others. Well, before he met him. 

That breathtaking boy standing just a few feet away from him, the boy Isak wanted to be enough for. But he isn’t. 

“Hi” he steps in front of the bench and smiles weakly at Even.  
“Hey!” he jumps to his feet and smiles widely at him but Isak can see the nervousness in his eyes.   
“Should we get the kebabs?” Isak asks just so he can postpone the inevitable conversation.  
“Yeah, sure. After you”, he gestures, and they walk the short distance to the kebab place. 

They order their food in quiet and they sit on the bench while chewing mouthfuls of it. 

Isak knows he should start talking but he doesn’t feel brave enough. Like he needs some kind of a sign to finally admit his feelings to Even.   
Suddenly, his thoughts are interrupted by a cough. Even finished eating and he’s now fidgeting with the paper wrapping, watching his hands and not looking up to meet Isak’s eyes.   
“Uhm, Isak?” he starts with a shaky voice that makes Isak swallow last bits of kebab and waits for him to continue, give him space.  
“So you probably noticed that, uhm, that I… That I was kind of a jerk to you. You know, me and Sonja,“ he pauses and flicks his eyes to Isak who just tries to not look hurt “We’re dating for a long time. It’s been years now and I just feel like we’re drifting apart.”  
“Even, if you invited me to get advice on your relationship, I’m probably not the right guy,” he says harshly and he winces at how cold he sounds.  
“No, no! That’s not what I wanted to talk about!” Even assures him quickly with a scared look and Isak relaxes a little bit.

“Well, the reason why it’s not so great is that I cheated on her,” he says and Isak draws a surprised breath.   
“With my best friend. Who is a guy” he adds and Isak freezes there on the spot. 

“So you slept with your bestie?” Isak tries to sound unfazed, but internally he’s screaming right now.  
“Oh, no! I didn’t sleep with him. I kissed him” he frowns.  
“And Sonja knows?”  
“Yes, I told her a few days after. That I think I want to break up and that I might not be just straight” he laughs a little “Well, she didn’t take it well. And she convinced me that I was just confused and that she would forgive me if I don’t hang out with him anymore.”

Isak watches Even as he sadly looks at Isak, full of remorse. It breaks his heart a little bit.  
“And I was scared of what I was feeling and what it meant that I did it. And Mikael confronted me at school about it and we kinda yelled at each other. Everybody around us heard what happened. Some boys in my class started to call me names and stuff. It wasn’t nice.” Even tries to blink away his tears and to act like he’s not hurting but Isak can see past that act. 

He takes his hand and squeezes it tight.  
“I’m so sorry, Even. I’m sorry that happened to you” he whispers and Even smiles at him through his tears.   
He takes a breath to calm himself down and after a few seconds, he seems composed enough that he turns to Isak.  
“I transferred here. And then I saw you. And I felt it again. And I was so scared. That’s why I reacted like that when you talked to me in that bathroom. I was scared to admit who I am. But I don’t want to be terrified to be myself anymore.” Isak holds his hand tightly and he can feel his heart hammering in his chest. 

He knows what it feels like to be afraid to come out, especially to yourself. He’s been there.   
And he admires the bravery in Even to do that after what he’s been through.

“You are so brave. Don’t let anybody tell you what you feel. Only you can feel what you feel.” 

He gives him an encouraging smile and Even smiles in return, this time the smile is reaching his eyes.   
And there’s nothing more beautiful right now, than what Isak sees.  
“Thank you, Isak. It means a lot. I knew you were the right person to open up to” he admits and Isak feels his cheeks getting warmer so he averts his eyes to escape that intense stare. 

“I have one more thing to tell you” Even says and he waits until Isak meets his eyes again to smile even more.   
He then smirks a little, now his cheeks turning pink   
“I broke up with Sonja. Three days ago” 

Isak looks at him surprised and thought are now rushing through his head.   
What does it mean? Why is he telling it to HIM? What should Isak do with this information?   
He freezes once again when Even slides closer to him on the bench and he gasps when he feels the hand on his cheek.   
But it feels so good and he just closes his eyes and let himself enjoy that touch. 

“Isak?” Even gulps, his voice shaking and Isak opens his eyes to find Even so close to him, his eyes glued to Isak’s lips. Isak doesn’t wait for the question, nor for more signs from above and he closes the distance between them.

He feels their lips touch and they’re so soft, moving against each other carefully but with so much passion and emotions pouring into it. And it’s better then Isak could ever imagine. It feels so good to finally have him in his arms, to finally be able to stop pretending.

It feels like coming home. 

And Isak has never felt like that before.

When their lips part, their foreheads touch and they lean on each other.   
Isak has to catch a breath and calm his excited heart. He hears Even taking a few deep breaths and letting one longer out. 

“Wow,” he says, barely a whisper. Isak lets out a little laugh.   
“Wow, for sure” he smiles and pecks Even’s lips.

He didn’t realize when they started holding hands again but now they’re sitting on a bench, their fingers laced together and wide grins on their faces. 

“Well” Even scratches his head nervously and laughs “I guess I’m a little bit gay”

And Isak rolls his eyes and starts laughing, still holding Even’s hand all giddy inside.

And he lets himself hope that this could be a start of something new.   
Something he hasn’t fucked up yet.


End file.
